Abide

Tangibly Planning & Tracking

I have been advised over these not-well years to keep a symptom diary, but have never managed to do it. I found it depressing. But I think I've found a system that will work for me: Tangible Plans™ {Starter Kit & Workshop}.

The Starter Kit & Workshop comes with the following: 
*Letter Size and Junque Journal* Size Templates
*Over 500 pre-made pieces divided into Sector folders
*Attatchers and Word Art scaled perfect size for this project
*All Sectors to build your own Templates if desired
*1 Tutorial on how to build your pages and 1 tutorial with binding ideas

I use Tangie's work a lot in my art journal, and it occurred to me that making a symptom diary visually interesting might help me stick with it. I've been playing with this for a couple of weeks now, and so far I am sticking with it. 

[More under the cut.]

Woebegone

 

     

 

For Art Journal Caravan w/Tangie Baxter: Itinerary #34 {Wordography: Woebegone}

 

[Click the image to see credits & larger sizes at flickr.]

 

Oxymoron: Chronic Fatigue Activist

For Art Journal Caravan w/Tangie Baxter: Itinerary #34 {Wordography: Oxymoron}

 

[Click the image to see credits & larger sizes at flickr.]

 

Learning to Live with the Wall

 

 

Thinking about my life for an art journal prompt, I realize – my life used to be full, challenging, in every way. Intellectually, emotionally, physically, aesthetically, spiritually – I pushed myself, I challenged myself, I moved, loved, lost, changed jobs, went into therapy, worked hard, read books, took classes, thought, looked at art, wrote poems …

Getting sick really was like hitting a wall. Hitting it, then being surrounded by it. No way over, around, out. Locked inside. I tried.

The first years, what energy I had went to the house, mostly. An aesthetic, design challenge. Some writing, some reading. Oh, and, therapy at the beginning, thinking the problem was psychological. But no.

Where I used to be busy on all fronts, the illness narrows it down. One thing, one dimension, at a time. For a long time. Small challenges, small tasks, small thoughts.

But along the way, I forgot – or perhaps never noticed – what a truly amazing life I did lead. My life was not boring. I look at it now with some astonishment. If it were someone else, I would be impressed.

I am lucky to be a person who always had a wide internal life, since that is mostly what’s left to me now. I remind myself: treasure that, be grateful for that. Resenting what has been lost is useless. Worse than useless; it is debilitating.

 

 

 

[Click the image to see credits & larger sizes at flickr.]

 

Game of Life

 

For Art Journal Caravan w/Tangie Baxter - Adventure Quest in Cartography #07 July: Game of Life

 

 

 

 

 

[Click the image to see credits & larger sizes at flickr.]

 

 

Only Today

 

 

some days i wonder 

can i live like this 

another twenty years?

 

then i remember 

there is only 

today

 

 

[Click the image to see credits & larger sizes at flickr.]

 

pain braid

 

 

 

 

[Click the image to see credits & larger sizes at flickr.]

 

conundrum

 

For Art Journal Caravan w/Tangie Baxter: Itinerary #13 {Wordography: Conundrum}

 

This word had me stumped (ha!) for quite awhile. Then I considered the main conundrum of my own life; the need to balance my inherent introversion, which is much exacerbated by illness, with the need for human connection. I'm either exhausted, or isolated. One, or the other.

 

[Click the image to see credits & larger sizes at flickr.]

 

An Anger Rant . . .

. . . from Nevermore, who posted this in the Art Journal Caravan gallery:

 

 

"Warning: TMI Rant. For the first time since Joe's terminal illness was diagnosed, I am angry. With everyone, including Joe. Yes, even Max is making me mad right now.

"We are currently undergoing a series of stages that are each progressively worse and the collective reaction has been a massive head in the sand. Just one of the sources of anger is all of the people who keep offering me support: Just name it and we will do it. Frankly, if I could name it, I would do it myself.

"I am too tired, disjointed, unorganised to think of stuff. I have had about twenty offers of support over the past two days, the vast majority completely and totally useless. It isn't rocket science, really.

"(I am bad tempered but this is kind of off the charts for me. I guess I feel completely alone and I do wish all these 100% well meaning people would stop deluding themselves that they are actually doing anything and do something instead of making me take energy I don't have to reassure them that I am grateful for all their support but, really, I can't think of anything for you to do. Subtext: not because there isn't anything but because I can't think).

"I really do see the positive intentions, but this is my anger soliliquoy and I am going to let myself be angry."

Journaling: I would like everyone to stop asking me what they can do for me: Like I need to add scheduling your support to my to-do list so you can feel better. Does ANYONE see how exhausted I am? For crying out loud, drop by and make the beds or a pot of coffee. STOP asking me to figure it out. I am too tired.

 

CREDITS:

Background: Sausan Designs "Zapp Papers" which are letter size with Tangie Baxter "Keep Moving Forward" boxes overlay and Tangie Baxter "AJC" checked border and "Rub Ons". Smiley Face, suitably altered: Christina Renee "Plethora". I did try to use puppet warp to tranform the smile but it was beyond my current skills. Asterisks: Sausan Designs "Big Girl Panties". Font: Tangie Baxter "Alice".

******

My thanks to Nevermore for permission to post this. I know she is not alone in her struggle with these cirumstances, and these feelings. 

 

This is my brain on CFS . . .

 

 

I am doing the Art Journal Caravan w/Tangie Baxter again this year. January's Adventure Quest is The Mind, and one of the prompts is This is my brain on ...