"Warning: TMI Rant. For the first time since Joe's terminal illness was diagnosed, I am angry. With everyone, including Joe. Yes, even Max is making me mad right now.
"We are currently undergoing a series of stages that are each progressively worse and the collective reaction has been a massive head in the sand. Just one of the sources of anger is all of the people who keep offering me support: Just name it and we will do it. Frankly, if I could name it, I would do it myself.
"I am too tired, disjointed, unorganised to think of stuff. I have had about twenty offers of support over the past two days, the vast majority completely and totally useless. It isn't rocket science, really.
"(I am bad tempered but this is kind of off the charts for me. I guess I feel completely alone and I do wish all these 100% well meaning people would stop deluding themselves that they are actually doing anything and do something instead of making me take energy I don't have to reassure them that I am grateful for all their support but, really, I can't think of anything for you to do. Subtext: not because there isn't anything but because I can't think).
"I really do see the positive intentions, but this is my anger soliliquoy and I am going to let myself be angry."
Journaling: I would like everyone to stop asking me what they can do for me: Like I need to add scheduling your support to my to-do list so you can feel better. Does ANYONE see how exhausted I am? For crying out loud, drop by and make the beds or a pot of coffee. STOP asking me to figure it out. I am too tired.
Background: Sausan Designs "Zapp Papers" which are letter size with Tangie Baxter "Keep Moving Forward" boxes overlay and Tangie Baxter "AJC" checked border and "Rub Ons". Smiley Face, suitably altered: Christina Renee "Plethora". I did try to use puppet warp to tranform the smile but it was beyond my current skills. Asterisks: Sausan Designs "Big Girl Panties". Font: Tangie Baxter "Alice".
My thanks to Nevermore for permission to post this. I know she is not alone in her struggle with these cirumstances, and these feelings.